If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Randomize
