just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
How does it feel to date your dad?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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