Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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