Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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