remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
