I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol