ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
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it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
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Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though