he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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