her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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