wakey wakey hands off snakey
I've blown a few things in my day
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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