Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
