Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
