Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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