I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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