remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
