i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Less talking, more tequila
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
