Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
