Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
