somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
