I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
