Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
