I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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