Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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