This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
