we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
