are you still at the devil's house?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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