Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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