I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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