I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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