If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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