I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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