before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
