bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
So vagazzling was a success
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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