between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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