His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
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It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
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yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
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