I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
