Little spoons don't ask big questions
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
