i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
