MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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