I want to make a zoo with you.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
