I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
