Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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