Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
