Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
