we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
