There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
