ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
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