You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
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Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
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I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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