just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
