i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize