I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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