Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
