week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
