we have pet lesbian snakes
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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