Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
