When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
