She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
