Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
