Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize