How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
