I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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