yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
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As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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