I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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