Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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