Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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