Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Randomize