Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
